Tuesday, February 16, 2016

BREAKING: Donald Trump Holds Another Press Conference. Charges Himself as a Liar

[c]Zorek Richards

 Rated S for satire

Donald Trump told the press he is going to sue himself for the damage he is doing to his own campaign. "I'm just suing the part of me that's just a liar" and added, "I've never met a bigger liar then myself. And since I am such a good liar I am a very very good judge of who is a liar.............. If I don't apologize to myself before the next primary, I am going to sue myself for being overqualified to be president." 
Trump said he already has indication that he will not apologize to himself and will probably have to pursue a lawsuit. "I'm great at everything I do. I'm a great liar. And I'm so great that I am the only one who can detect it sometimes. So why should I apologize?”
When asked if he thought that calling everybody “liars” was something he would consider being presidential, Trump responded: “I built a great company and all the Latinos love me......self funded........and a great big wall...........with a big Yuuuuuuge door.” 
Another reporter asked him if the Trump Foundation had ever donated to the Clinton Foundation. Trump replied: “Of course. But that’s just doing business. If Hillary wins I can get invited to her inaugural since I helped her get elected. So it’s a win-win for me getting on TV somewhere in January 2017.” A follow up question asked if Trump thought that was a conflict of interest. He replied, “No. My interest is me. I’m the worlds greatest business man and, besides, it’s just the Democrat side of me that did that, and right now me and that Democrat side are getting along great.....we (Republican Trump and Democrat Trump) are doing a great job at turning conservatives into liberals. Between me and them we will make America great again.” and he quickly added, “But mostly just me.” 
The press conference was adjourned when a CNN reporter asked if they could polish his shoes for him.
Phil and Hector Corinthian were also in attendance but shunned reporters questions saying they “just wanted to be left alone” and have “all the jokes about them stop.”