Monday, May 25, 2015

Rules For Modern Radicals: Eight Tips for Rioting for Justice

Preparation:  "Protesters" should being to put  together their shopping lists. It will help you decide which store to serve "justice" to by looting it and burning it down.

Riot Tip #1: Bring matches or a lighter. Nothing says "justice" like setting something on fire. [Marshmellows optional]

 Riot Tip #2: When planning a protest for justice, a mall is usually the best place to hit first because they usually have better "justice" to loot.

 Riot Tip #3: Wear a mask. When you're stealing & burning "justice" down you don't want anyone to know who you are when a business is "justiced."

 Riot Tip #4: Seek out MSNBC reporters. They know how important it is for you to "justice" a city with fire & make your "justice" look good

 Riot Tip #5: When talking to foreign press (anyone not CNN or MSNBC) breathe in lots of tear gas. Looking the victim is an important part of "justicizing"

 Riot Tip #6: Have a Theme. "Hands up dont shoot" has already been taken. "We're just here for the fire & free stuff" is still available.

 Riot Tip #7 [Baltimore Addendum]: Make sure your mom isn't watching you on TV

Riot Tip #8: Block the highways during rush hour. Nothing says "We Want Justice" like stopping people who have no idea why you're there stopping them from getting home to their families. That's the price they pay for moving out of mom's basement and getting a job.